Midlife Wellness

If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others.  ~~ His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Do you remember a time when you could eat almost anything, and not worry about how many carbs you were consuming, or if that Coke you guzzled with lunch was making you crash after your sugar rush? Ahhhh…yeessss.  The good ol’ days, as they say.  I use “they” because that was never me. I have always worried about something. Worried about what I was eating.  Worried about getting good grades.  Worried about needing to buy a larger size. Worried about what people saw when they looked at me.  Worried, worried and worried.

If you’re reading this, I’m sure it’s not surprising to have me say I don’t have memories of being thin. I remember shopping at Sears with my mom for new school clothes and always ending up in the boy’s section. Oh, I’m sorry.  In the “husky” boys section.  So, by virtue of my wardrobe I was assumed to be a tomboy; attired in my corduroy pants, t-shirts, and my Converse hi-tops or my Wallabees. (Hey!  Don’t criticize!  They were cool!)  Truthfully I really was a tomboy. I had evidence.  Like the day I stayed late at school to play and had to climb the fence to get off the playground; tearing my back pocket (and most of my right pant leg) on the top of the fence. (I walked home with a sweatshirt tied around my butt.)

Anyway, as I got older, my height stopped at 5’ 3 ½”.  Not out of the ordinary in my family.  However, my girth just kept growing. By the time I started my senior year of high school, I probably weighed in at 180-200 lbs.  Can’t really be sure, it was oh so long ago.  I was officially the chubby friend.  You know her.  The one in your group who had tons of friends who were boys, but never really had a boyfriend.  The girl who knew all the cheerleaders, but wasn’t one.  The girl who knew all the class officers, but lost every election.  Yup.  That was me.

I don’t tell you this to garner sympathy or pity.  I tell you to give you a peek into my perspective on the age I’m at now…MIDDLE AGE!  I feel like I should insert an evil laugh right here.  Why evil, you might ask?  Well, because I’ve come to see this midlife period as the great generation equalizer, and I relish it.  Probably inappropriately so.  It is, I’m sure, the same for every generation. But this one’s mine.

Equalizer.  Sounds like a great name for a water gun, doesn’t it?  Anyway, I say equalizer because it’s an age where we all start to experience physical and mental changes, and I mean ALL.  Of course, you’re probably thinking midlife crisis or menopause, or even age discrimination in the workplace.  I’m more concerned about those things that surprise us…that sneak up on us as we go about our regular daily life.  It happens in different ways, of course, and at different speeds.  But inevitably, it happens.

Your doctor tells you to eat less red meat. She tells you to exercise more. The scale in your bathroom clearly lies and needs to be replaced. The mirror reflects an image very much like father’s or your mother’s. When did THAT happen?   Unless you are in the fitness industry, the average American begins to soften up a bit as they move into the 40s…and then especially when it comes to the big 5-0.  Folks have pounds they can’t shed, high cholesterol numbers they don’t understand, and physical tests that just…well never mind.  You’ll figure it out when you get there.  You’re a lucky one if your medicine cabinet isn’t lined with little orange bottles.

You might be one of those who believes if they just keep running every morning, they’ll be fine.  You’d be wrong.  If you’re still drinking alcohol on a regular basis, running every morning isn’t going to help you much.  If you’re still eating at the local drive-thru on your way to work after your morning jog, you should think about jogging again after work.

I’m telling you, it’s all about the age…the MIDDLE AGE!  I can’t help repeating myself.  Don’t forget to insert the evil laughter.  I actually think I like being at this stage in my life.  It’s rather liberating, I find.  I no longer care much what other people think.  I rarely worry about what other people say when they see me walking around in a tank top and shorts on a summer afternoon.  Twenty years ago, I would have never done that.  I would have most definitely put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.  Showing naked limbs was a supreme no-no.  Nowadays, I couldn’t care less.

Some might classify my attitude as apathetic.  I don’t see it that way at all.  It’s definitely liberating to just be myself, regardless of what others might think or say.  I call it letting go of the worry gene.  Whether it stems from my Asian background or my general Catholic upbringing, it doesn’t matter. Not anymore.  I have realized for me to live a healthy life I must eat better, move more and let go of things I absolutely cannot control.  Don’t get me wrong, I care about many things, many people and many relevant issues.  The truth, however, is I need what energy I have to facilitate this huge change in my life.  My focus, probably for the first time in my life, has to be me.  Identifying things that help me most in achieving this lifestyle change is paramount.  It’s all about me.

Do those things include worrying about what people think as they run past me wearing my bandana headband?  Nope!  What is important is that it keeps the sweat from blinding me as I exercise.  Should I be concerned about being amazing at menu planning?  Probably not, but I can get competitive sometimes.  What I should strive for is just menu planning on a regular basis, which I don’t do now.  That’s a sound goal.

So yes.  I definitely feel liberated by letting go of all that mental energy being wasted on superfluous things. Let me tell you, it’s an amazing feeling.  I often keep to myself these days, and don’t see my family as much as I’d like…and I didn’t realize until a few weeks ago when I was working on a “class assignment” that they’d even notice a difference.  My niece, in response to my assignment, mentioned that I seemed lighter.  She didn’t know how to explain it, but I knew exactly what she meant.  She wasn’t talking about my body weight.  She was talking about the weight on my shoulders. The worry on my mind.  The stress of my life.

During this time when so many of my generation are facing those dreaded years of midlife with new trepidation and worry; when their minds are focused on all those ravages of time they didn’t see coming, I can’t help but snigger a little.  Evil, I know.  But ultimately, I have to let that go, too.  Let it go because it doesn’t help me on my healthy living journey.  I can’t face midlife with dread.  I have to face it with a smile in the morning, determination and a hope for a better me.   I have to support those who support me, cheer their successes, and offer opinions or options.  I have to be honest without hurting people.  Share experience and knowledge without being condescending or righteous.

So I say liberate yourself!  Join me! Figure out what is most important for YOU.  Maybe you’re perfectly healthy at 55, and the most important thing is to just keep moving on.  But if you’re like me, someone who learned to focus on others or those external things that happen around me or to me, I say Let It Go!  Just let it go.  Focus on what is truly important.  Again, if you’re like me, and you’re on a journey to find your healthy self for the first time (or again), focus on YOU.  That’s the most important.

So, see your doctor.  Let her lecture you, and then take steps to improve your life.  Take time to identify those things you eat that mess with your digestion and get rid of them.  If you used to be a runner or a bicyclist, dust off your shoes or fix your bike chain and get back out on the road.  If you’ve gained 40 lbs. in the last 4 years but have no idea why, then grab a notebook and track everything that goes into your mouth every day for a month.  You’ll see a pattern.  Then change it.

Don’t let yourself fall into the trap of a midlife crisis.  Take control, and discover your midlife wellness. Focus on what is most important.  You!
Until next time…